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Person Writing Notes

The Five Ds

The Five Ds are pattern of socially hostile behaviors that quietly erode relationships and mental health—introduced  in Dr. Chloe's book,

Can I Say That? Why Free Speech Matters and How to Use it Fearlessly

1

Defriending

Removing someone from your social or online life over a disagreement.

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​(Mitchell et al. 2014)

(Cox 202)

2

Declining to Date

Romantic rejection based on political or social viewpoint.

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(Brown 2020) 

3

Disinviting

Un-inviting someone from an event because of their opinions.

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(Gallup and Knight Foundation 2017)

4

Decreasing Contact

Slowly ghosting someone whose views differ from yours.

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(Public Religion Research Institute 2024)

5

Dropping Entirely

Cutting ties completely over a disagreement.

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(Lendrum 2024) 

(Abrams 2022)

Why This Matters

Research shows the Five Ds are deployed more frequently by people who identify as liberal toward those who identify as conservative than the reverse.

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While they may feel principled in the moment, overusing these tactics doesn't just silence others, it backfires on your own wellbeing.

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❌ Increased loneliness and anxiety

❌ Eroded emotional resilience

❌ Weakened problem-solving skills

❌ A shrinking support network when you need it most

"The mental health cost of a culture where people are afraid to speak isn't abstract, it's measured in isolation, rumination, and the slow death of authentic connection."

— Dr. Chloe Carmichael

Rutgers University found that people with similar demographics to those who align with the 5 Ds are also more likely to endorse political violence.  Click the link above to learn more about the Rutgers study on what they call "Assassination Culture".

Book Clubs Welcome

Want to Go Deeper?

The Five Ds are just one chapter of a much bigger conversation about how open dialogue protects our mental health. Dr. Chloe loves joining book clubs, virtually, to unpack these ideas together.

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Tailored Q&A

30–45 minutes of conversation shaped around your group's biggest questions.

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Practical Tools

Walk away with techniques you can use at the next difficult dinner table conversation.

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Behind the Scenes

Stories from the therapy room and the writing desk you won't find in the book.

About the Book

3DCanISayThat

Can I Say That? Why Free Speech Matters and How to Use It Fearlessly

By Dr. Chloe Carmichael

Speak freely—it's good for you!

If you’re like 84% of Americans, you think self-censorship and cancel culture are serious issues. You may feel like you’re not free to speak your mind, or you worry that you’ll be alienated for expressing your opinions. This can lead to self-censorship and feeling like people don't know the authentic, real you. 

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