Dr. Chloe Carmichael Blogs

As a clinical psychologist in New York City, I work with a lot of very goal-oriented clients who are interested in finding the perfect relationship.  They’re sophisticated enough to realize that there is no “perfect relationship”, just the relationship that is perfect for them… but they still don’t know exactly how to find such a relationship.  Especially following the release of my book, Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating, where I mentioned that using a matchmaker can be a great way date, I’ve received a lot of inquiries about how to do this.

Would you date a man who dressed a bit off-trend? How about one who was shorter than you? A bald man?

Ok, you’ve found a man who appears to be on the same page as you – he possesses the qualities of a man looking for a meaningful long-term relationship. What can you do in the early stages of your relationship to ensure your new romantic interest sees his future with you before becoming emotionally invested?

In an ideal world, all of the people in your life would be helpful resources, willingly by your side to provide support, add joy, and keep you balanced. But let’s face it: We don’t live in an ideal world (if we did, I’d probably be out of a job!). Most of us will encounter at least one person in our day-to-day at some point in our lives who does the opposite.  Someone who drains your energy, undermines you, puts you down. I’ve recently been asked to speak about the topic of “toxic people” by FOX5 here in New York, and while “toxic people” isn’t a clinical term… I think I sort of knew what they meant. Toxic people chip away at your mental health and overall wellbeing, and the longer they’re in your life, the more damaging their emotional footprint can be.

In my Manhattan practice I often see clients who struggle with finding the right way to share personal information with others, whether in a business or intimate relationship. It can be incredibly difficult to know when and how to disclose personal details, and many people find themselves in a precarious dance between sharing info too soon or struggling to open up at all.

As a practicing clinical psychologist, I have found that the best outcomes occur when the therapist and client are a “good fit.” That is part of the reason I employ a diverse staff of associates: to maximize the chance of a client finding a good fit.

In May 2012, I was finishing my final licensing hours after six long years of full-time doctoral training. It was such a relief to be eligible for a good salary with benefits after all those years of squeaking by on student loans and credit cards. And so deciding to leave that full-time job to focus exclusively on my own practice was daunting, to say the least. I was terrified to leave the security of a stable job and regular paycheck, but I knew I had to if I were ever to realize my ultimate goal of building a private practice.

Just as the name implies, you can prevent yourself from responding to urges! When you experience an impulse or an urge to act out a compulsive behavior, you can stop...